The following emails have been 100% copy-and-pasted. The names have been taken out, mostly for their dignity, not my own. These emails have not been altered or fabricated in any way...This.Is.College.
"Miss Hall, I was hanging out with my girlfriend, you know how it is, I lost track of time.... Can I make up the quiz I missed??"-Good call, you would never want something like academics to get in the way of your afternoon delight...
"Hey Ms. Hall, I will not be attending today because i didn't sleep last night, got sick as a dog and also broke my right hand. Is it possible to go first on Tuesday? I am very sorry."-......while I appreciate u chronicling to me the details of ur Wednesday night at the frat house, maybe next time you could just pick one lame excuse and go with that instead of rattling off 3- rookie mistake. And it might also help next time if you don't show up Tuesday sans Dr's note AND with a fully functioning right hand....
"Miss Hall, I just wanting to confirm what time our final is on tuesday because I am thinking I may have a conflict." Well, budding student, first of all the exam is on Thursday, and secondly you "may have a conflict"??... A CONFLICT?? wtf? (why the face?) The exam time has been posted since August. Thirdly- Learn English Tarzan.
"I was at the world series, that's why I didn't do my speech outline, I'm sure you can understand."- Did I ever tell you about the time that I've always hated baseball?
"First of all, I need to explain why I'm sending you this message from another e-mail account. It is because my mother has access to my university email account and reads all of my mail. While I'm not a fan of deception, if she knew that I missed class, she would pull me out of school. She has threatened to do this a few times already. Anyway, I'm e-mailing you to apologize for missing class today. Since I've come to college, I've had a reoccurring illness that seems to pop up at random times, one that leaves me tired, dizzy, weak, and (occasionally) unable to eat. I understand that today is my speech day, and since I did not appear in class, you have every right to give me a failing grade for it. I don't expect sympathy for this, but since this was an unavoidable absence, I do ask that you show a bit of mercy, even though you do not have to."- As I read about your strange illness from your secret email account, I can't imagine why your mom doesn't trust you. So an illness that pops up at random times? It's called being hungover. Go forth and be healed.
"I missed class last week because I was unaware that it had started yet."
well... ok then. (p.s.-he's a 5th yr sr.)
(( I asked them to email me 3 potential topics they would like to give an informative speeches over. The class was about 85% male, therefore they submitted the following choices:))
"Susanna Hall,
Top Three speech topics:
1. The BCS and College football
2. How beer is made
3. a)The Welfare system, How to get rich quickly.
Thanks!"
I now feel that I know all I need to about you.
"1. Safety innovations in motor sports and how it transfers to production of vehicles
2. The effects and dangers of restrictor plate racing in NASCAR"
.. is he speaking Chinese?
"My top 3 topics for my informative speech are
1. Texas A&M history of the core
2. Texas A&M football
3. Texas A&M bonfire incident.
Let me know, thanks!"
wow.... it might help him to do some research on his instructor so he doesn't earn an automatic C.
"1) The state of Texas
2) Fraud of global warming
3) Diversity in Retail sales"
Now this student is on his way to an A.
"Here are my top 3 choices: the Falling Whistles organization (1), human trafficking (2), and the lack of clean drinking water in 3rd world countries (3)."
Danggg Debbie Downer, way to make everyone elses topics look amateur.
"1. History of South Dakota
2. Declaration of Independence
3. Life of Barack Obama"
zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ... congrats, u just made the one about the aggie core sound interesting.
Student: "So I see that I was marked absent and got a zero in class participation for three days during the semester. Well, I may have been a little late to class but I know I was there, what can I do to get these points back?"
T.A.: "Email me proof that you were in class those days (notes you took, papers from the in-class activity, etc.) and I will give you credit."
Student: "Ok, I will. Just wondering, what did we do in class on those 3 days?"
"First of all, I need to explain why I'm sending you this message from another e-mail account. It is because my mother has access to my university email account and reads all of my mail. While I'm not a fan of deception, if she knew that I missed class, she would pull me out of school. She has threatened to do this a few times already. Anyway, I'm e-mailing you to apologize for missing class today. Since I've come to college, I've had a reoccurring illness that seems to pop up at random times, one that leaves me tired, dizzy, weak, and (occasionally) unable to eat. I understand that today is my speech day, and since I did not appear in class, you have every right to give me a failing grade for it. I don't expect sympathy for this, but since this was an unavoidable absence, I do ask that you show a bit of mercy, even though you do not have to."- As I read about your strange illness from your secret email account, I can't imagine why your mom doesn't trust you. So an illness that pops up at random times? It's called being hungover. Go forth and be healed.
"I missed class last week because I was unaware that it had started yet."
well... ok then. (p.s.-he's a 5th yr sr.)
(( I asked them to email me 3 potential topics they would like to give an informative speeches over. The class was about 85% male, therefore they submitted the following choices:))
"Susanna Hall,
Top Three speech topics:
1. The BCS and College football
2. How beer is made
3. a)The Welfare system, How to get rich quickly.
Thanks!"
I now feel that I know all I need to about you.
"1. Safety innovations in motor sports and how it transfers to production of vehicles
2. The effects and dangers of restrictor plate racing in NASCAR"
.. is he speaking Chinese?
"My top 3 topics for my informative speech are
1. Texas A&M history of the core
2. Texas A&M football
3. Texas A&M bonfire incident.
Let me know, thanks!"
wow.... it might help him to do some research on his instructor so he doesn't earn an automatic C.
"1) The state of Texas
2) Fraud of global warming
3) Diversity in Retail sales"
Now this student is on his way to an A.
"Here are my top 3 choices: the Falling Whistles organization (1), human trafficking (2), and the lack of clean drinking water in 3rd world countries (3)."
Danggg Debbie Downer, way to make everyone elses topics look amateur.
"1. History of South Dakota
2. Declaration of Independence
3. Life of Barack Obama"
zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ... congrats, u just made the one about the aggie core sound interesting.
Student: "So I see that I was marked absent and got a zero in class participation for three days during the semester. Well, I may have been a little late to class but I know I was there, what can I do to get these points back?"
T.A.: "Email me proof that you were in class those days (notes you took, papers from the in-class activity, etc.) and I will give you credit."
Student: "Ok, I will. Just wondering, what did we do in class on those 3 days?"
There.Are.No.Wordsssss.
And then you get ones like these,
"Miss Hall, Thank you for all your help! You have been a great TA throughout the semester and you definitely made the class interesting. I can honestly say I enjoyed your class. Merry Christmas!".. aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnddd **tears.
Wow! Simply amazing. The next to last one was almost too much to handle.
ReplyDeleteliiiiiiiterally laughed out loud throughout this entire post. esp the why the face comment. bwahahhah. omg you being a teacher is like the best thing ever.
ReplyDelete