Student Emails.

The following emails have been 100% copy-and-pasted. The names have been taken out, mostly for their dignity, not my own. These emails have not been altered or fabricated in any way...This.Is.College.

"Miss Hall, I was hanging out with my girlfriend, you know how it is, I lost track of time.... Can I make up the quiz I missed??"-Good call, you would never want something like academics to get in the way of your afternoon delight...

"Hey Ms. Hall, I will not be attending today because i didn't sleep last night, got sick as a dog and also broke my right hand. Is it possible to go first on Tuesday? I am very sorry."-......while I appreciate u chronicling to me the details of ur Wednesday night at the frat house, maybe next time you could just pick one lame excuse and go with that instead of rattling off 3- rookie mistake. And it might also help next time if you don't show up Tuesday sans Dr's note AND with a fully functioning right hand....

"Miss Hall, I just wanting to confirm what time our final is on tuesday because I am thinking I may have a conflict." Well, budding student, first of all the exam is on Thursday, and secondly you "may have a conflict"??... A CONFLICT?? wtf? (why the face?) The exam time has been posted since August. Thirdly- Learn English Tarzan.

"I was at the world series, that's why I didn't do my speech outline, I'm sure you can understand."- Did I ever tell you about the time that I've always hated baseball?

"First of all, I need to explain why I'm sending you this message from another e-mail account. It is because my mother has access to my university email account and reads all of my mail. While I'm not a fan of deception, if she knew that I missed class, she would pull me out of school. She has threatened to do this a few times already. Anyway, I'm e-mailing you to apologize for missing class today. Since I've come to college, I've had a reoccurring illness that seems to pop up at random times, one that leaves me tired, dizzy, weak, and (occasionally) unable to eat. I understand that today is my speech day, and since I did not appear in class, you have every right to give me a failing grade for it. I don't expect sympathy for this, but since this was an unavoidable absence, I do ask that you show a bit of mercy, even though you do not have to."- As I read about your strange illness from your secret email account, I can't imagine why your mom doesn't trust you. So an illness that pops up at random times? It's called being hungover. Go forth and be healed.

"I missed class last week because I was unaware that it had started yet."
well... ok then. (p.s.-he's a 5th yr sr.)


(( I asked them to email me 3 potential topics they would like to give an informative speeches over. The class was about 85% male, therefore they submitted the following choices:))

"Susanna Hall,
Top Three speech topics:
1. The BCS and College football
2. How beer is made
3. a)The Welfare system, How to get rich quickly.
Thanks!"
I now feel that I know all I need to about you.

"1. Safety innovations in motor sports and how it transfers to production of vehicles
2. The effects and dangers of restrictor plate racing in NASCAR"
.. is he speaking Chinese?

"My top 3 topics for my informative speech are
1. Texas A&M history of the core
2. Texas A&M football
3. Texas A&M bonfire incident.
Let me know, thanks!"
wow.... it might help him to do some research on his instructor so he doesn't earn an automatic C.

"1) The state of Texas
2) Fraud of global warming
3) Diversity in Retail sales"
Now this student is on his way to an A.

"Here are my top 3 choices: the Falling Whistles organization (1), human trafficking (2), and the lack of clean drinking water in 3rd world countries (3)."
Danggg Debbie Downer, way to make everyone elses topics look amateur.

"1. History of South Dakota
2. Declaration of Independence
3. Life of Barack Obama"
zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ... congrats, u just made the one about the aggie core sound interesting.

Student: "So I see that I was marked absent and got a zero in class participation for three days during the semester. Well, I may have been a little late to class but I know I was there, what can I do to get these points back?"
T.A.: "Email me proof that you were in class those days (notes you took, papers from the in-class activity, etc.) and I will give you credit."
Student: "Ok, I will. Just wondering, what did we do in class on those 3 days?"

There.Are.No.Wordsssss.

And then you get ones like these,

"Miss Hall, Thank you for all your help! You have been a great TA throughout the semester and you definitely made the class interesting. I can honestly say I enjoyed your class. Merry Christmas!".. aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnddd **tears.

The Joys of Teaching

I have been asked by many to start cataloging some of my experiences so far as a TA, so I thought I would just give yall the high points.

I am happy to report that my fear of non-trads has been subsided thanks to a great first class, no non-trads, or athletes-PTL! One guido, but I'll take it. I teach an 8-week class called Business and Professional Speaking to 25 kids. I will be getting a new batch of kids next week, but so far this class has been an experience in and of itself. They give two speeches during this time, one informative and one persuasive. Sounds easy enough... might need to define easy.

Some parts of the job you just have to take at pure entertainment value.

Like when students give an entire speech chronicling Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan's tweets from jail.
Or when they ask if it's OK to present and entice the class into their pyramid scheme as their persuasive speech.
Or when they bring me unsigned, clearly photo-copied doctors notes to excuse them from giving a speech.
Or when I get papers such as these turned in and I am left to comprehend how someone made it this far in life with hand-writing like this:
(taken from one of my kids evaluations of another classmates speech.)
and in case you were wondering, he was right. She didn't read over her speech.Or even write it herself. she also included "so ya, i think that's pretty much it, Cya later." as her closing statement. Professional.

Or having to sift through emails, such as this one:

"Hi Miss Hall!

Tuesday morning I woke up and noticed that the filling in one of my molars was missing along with a part of my tooth. Unfortunately, I grind my teeth at night but it hasn't been that bad of a problem until now. I was able to find a dentist and had an "emergency" appointment this morning. They found decay forming under my filling which caused it to push up through the tooth. :x (Sorry if this is too much information!) They need to uproot all of the filling and clean out my tooth tomorrow before taking more x-rays to ensure that I don't need a root canal! The only time they could get me in without having to wait another two weeks is tomorrow at noon! I can get a doctor's note for you if you would like! I feel awful because I love the class but this is something I need to get fixed before it becomes more of an issue. Please let me know how I can get my two papers to you tomorrow to ensure that I get the credit! I was also wondering if that would be ok if I do two evaluations on Tuesday (even though I have my speech that day) so I can get my 2 lowest quiz scores replaced! Please let me know how you feel about all of this!

Thank you so much!"

I would love to let you know how I feel about all of this! As much as I enjoy hearing about students dental history, and how much they "love my class" (wow... really?) It might be in your best interest to leave the emoticons and sucking up at the door.

You have to be able to answer the tough questions they throw at you.
-"Can I leave class early to study for another test I have?" Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

-"Do we need to cite the sources that we used in our speech?"- sure, why not for old times sake?

-"Is it ok if my speech goes over time a minute or two so I can fit in a story about my High School Ex?"- ya, anything to spice up this snooze-fest.

-"I have my speech outline to turn in, but its at home on my computer still, can I run home and get it?" -That depends, Is there a Starbucks on your way home?

-"I've had a really busy week, can I give my speech next class instead of tomorrow?" - Oh wow, have you? Have you had grad school finals, work, family in town, and research papers due this week too? what are the odds!!

Overall, it really hasn't been bad, I actually really love teaching. I am nervous to have to re-board the crazy train next week tho and start all over with a new group. We will have to see how it goes, might have another blog post ahead of us...

-Miss Hall