Question of the Day

As any teacher/ instructor can attest, when planning lessons & preparing for the coming semester, your ideas have you going into the year thinking of yourself in the classroom
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When in reality, by the time you actually get in there, it's more 
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So last fall while attempting to tackle every speech teacher's nightmare, stage fright, it dawned on me- have a question of the day! A chance for each student to stand up at the beginning of class in front of everyone and answer a question, so that when the dreaded speech day comes, everyone feels a little more comfortable. Genius, obviously. I put together a nice list of thought provoking, unbiased, lesson appropriate questions. The night before spring semester began, as I looked in the mirror at Morgan Freeman in Lean On Me, I failed to consider one key component of this fail-safe plan.

The students' reponses.


But let's start at the beginning. As I've mentioned before on this blog, the second day of class is devoted to letting the students get to know me, and vice versa. So after a brief intro about myself (I like to be an open book....while simultaneously refusing to give up any personal information whatsoever), I asked if the students had any more questions about me. 
"Miss Hall, what's your greatest fear?" Damn. Way to cut right to the core.
So I answered, "Claustrophobia." (because "ending up 40 and alone" seemed a little much for the first day). Their blank stares began to catch me off guard, so naturally I began to blabber on about what claustrophobia was, and how you get it when you have an MRI and you're in this machine and you can't press the panic button because then they'll just start it all over again, and...... who even knows what else I said. I have never had an MRI. Why did I just say that? (Not unlike the time I announced that I was in high school when we won the Stanley Cup...it was 1999.)  Moving on... "Ok class, anything else?" Same kid as before: "Ya, what sports did you do in high school?"
High school? What? I always forget these are all 18 year olds who have yet to realize that highschool is now dead and behind them. The graduation tassle in your review mirror and the "football" on your activities section of facebook both need to be removed now.
"I did cheerleading and gymnastics. Anything else before we move on?"
Same kid as before raises his hand and everyone giggles... wait, what was I thinking?!! They don't care about my fake MRI experience, they're just trying to kill time so we don't have to turn in last nights homework! Rookie mistake. And there I was, Sister Mary Clarence sitting in a chair full of glue.  So in order to gain back my dignity, the next day I implemented the question of the day exercise, put them in the hot seat.. only God himself could've anticipated what would come out of these kids mouths.

What's one job you could never do, no matter how much someone paid you?
-"Ma'am, if you paid me enough, there ain't a lot I wouldn't do." Not wanting him to expand on that, I moved on to the next person.
-"I could never like, babysit. Cuz kids are like, sticky. And mean."  Thanks for really searching your soul on that one.
-"I could never work for a democrat."- Such bold words spoken from an 18 yr old at a private christian university in the heart of Texas...
-"I wouldn't wana be, like, you know, one a them 'women doctors'. I seen what they gotta do *crouches and holds out hands as if to catch a fast pitch*, I seen my brother's baby bein born. It just plain MESSY." Your poor, poor future wife.
-"I could never just sit behind a desk all day." Ya, you might be rethinkin that in a few years.


What's one attribute you find attractive in a friend? (we were covering attraction theory in class that day)
-Female student: "Like most all of my friends are guys, cuz girls can be so annoying and they're all about drama and I just don't really like dealing with that." That's what sluts always say.
-"Probably trust, and respect." boringggg.
-Male Student: "Uhhhh.. ummm... hmmmm..." Me: "Having trouble?" First mistake. Should have just made him answer it. M.S.: "Well, I can't really think of anything for a friend, is it ok if I just say for a girl?" Me: "Sure, thats fine!" Second mistake. M.S.: "Well.. ummm... hmmmm..." Me: "It's ok, just say whatever comes to your mind!" Mistake.. mistake.. MISTAKE. M.S.: "Alright, well, then definitely a back-side." Alright, I deserved that.
-"I like people who kinda just do the same stuff, think the same way, and like the same kinda things I do."- That is how communists are made.
-"Just like, someone who's easy going, laid back..." "Probably the best is a friend thats laid back.." "I really like people that are chill, laid back..." I was laid back once... then I decided it would be fun to teach...


If you could have one super power, what would it be?
-"I would wish to be invisible... there's some places I'd like to go.. I think you know what I mean *wink*"-  Don't you dare bring me down with you.
-"I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight." Just then, every girl in the room started yelling "Oh my god, wait! Me too! I change my answer!! OMG you're so smart!!" I could have slapped them all... except that would be freakin' sweet.
-"The ability to explode the planet at any moment. Everyone would want to be my friend."  Something about that answer makes me not want to be your friend right now....
-"I wish I could fly, and that I could read minds. It would just be cool to know like what other people are REALLY thinking."  Too much twilight for you girl.
-"I would wana be like the Hulk and just run around yelling HULK SMASH!! And pound stuff, you know? It would just be kind of bad ass." The kid weighed about 115 lbs... So really you just had to be there....

Please note that no one said anything to do with making money appear out of thin air.... which leads to my next set of responses.....

What's the worst job you've ever had?
*This question later had to be revised after the first three answers started out, "Well, I don't know if it counts, but this one time..." and included additives such as, "volunteer thing", "working at my dads office" and "housesitting." I remembered the importance of considering my audience when asking these daily questions, and added that it could be a volunteer opportunity... and later had to open it up to "a job your friend had."
-"I was a life guard this summer. It was pretty lame, they made me wear a one-piece and I found a band-aid in the pool once." A one-piece?? Girl, PROPS!
-Girl: "I didn't work this summer because I was taking a summer class." Me: "Well, you know, a lot of students have to take classes AND work a job." Girl: "Well, Miss Hall... that's just like... a lot." Why do I even try??
-"I worked at burger king in high school," Said the one student on scholarship in the class. I'm sure he wanted to punch everyone else...
-"Back in California I worked at a kid's jungle gym where they have kid parties. We got free cake, but we got horrible tips and there was always plenty of throw up to clean up."  That's really life in a nutshell my friend. Free cake-plenty of throw up.


And there you have it. America's youth at its finest.

As some of you may know, this week I am venturing into the unknown!!  Also known as community college. I'll be teaching a new class for the fall, and so far the new environment has not been a disappointment. The teacher inservice alone has given me some good material to start with- so I'm sure to be blogging again soon.


 

"Last time I taught, 

I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society...

by which I mean I got fired."

 - Peter Hornberger, 30 Rock

Dangerous Minds

Sometimes while teaching I feel like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds... and by that I mean a student was late to class once because the "people at the Lexus dealership took too long on my car".

While there may not be an impending threat of gang violence in the classroom, my days as a TA are entertaining enough that I felt the need to share some gems from the past two semesters. The most valuable ones usually come at the beginning of the semester on the first day. I finish going through the syllabus and then its time for everybody's favorite part, "Let's get to know each other a little bit!".....(cricket...)........ "Ok then, I'll start!"

Our strategy consists of having each student stand up to tell a little bit about themselves:

So what is something interesting about you?
-"Probably the most interesting thing about me is that I recently moved to Southlake." gag.
-"I have a rare gland condition that causes my palms to sweat buckets of water at a moments notice".... there's no going back from that.

What is your current life ambition?
-"I'm not sure what life ambition means, but I plan to model large sections of my life after Kim Kardashian, I just really look up to her" Hopefully those sections don't include a sex tape and 2 failed marriages. (love ya, Ki Ki!!)
-"I'd like to have my own clothing line one day" Original. And just what the world is lacking in currently.

What are your hobbies?
-"I like to party" elaborate, please?
-"I play football for the university." yaaaa... signing up for intramurals doesn't make you a university athlete. (literally spent 20 mins trying to find out why this kid wasn't on my official list of student athletes enrolled in my classes...)


They also fill out a survey that calls for open-ended, written responses. A bold move.

Name? Preferred name you go by?
-"Jodie. Penguin." Naturally.
-"Brittany. Bitty Boss." I was going more for a nickname, not your AIM screen name.

Do you enjoy public speaking?
-"Yes, except in front of others" .....

What's the best course you've ever taken and why?
"Weightlifting, because it was mentally challenging in many aspects"

If there was one thing you wanted to get out of this class what would it be?
-"A good grade, and to resolve my issues" well im not a miracle worker...
-"To be even better than I already am at speaking in front of small groups" get it girl!
-"When I speak in front of large crowds, my heart races" Ground Breaking.

Is there anything else you want me to know? (we prob should have added "that pertains to this class")
-"Email is the the best way to reach me" great, i'll cancel my weekly trip to the Delta house.
-"I am very shy when meeting new people but people who know me say I am funny"- ...???
-"I love rabbits"- that helps. it really does.
-"Family is the most important thing to me" Ok, Caroline from RHONJ, take it down a notch.

A fellow TA got this response to the questionnaire (had to show photographic evidence, this.is.real.life.)

it says " "You are beautiful, no matter what they say"- Christina Aguilera.... and the bible."


One student turned in a hand written (clearly 5 min before class) copy of the survey that he copied down on the back of a tattoo order form... he was designing a dragon, NBD.

later in the semester we solicited more open-ended responses....

How do you feel you did on your first speech?
"The classmate next to me said I did an outstanding job, so I think I accomplished my goal" done and done.

"I was a cheerleader in high school so I didn't think giving a speech to 30 people would be a problem. I was wrong" If u need me to count off 5-6-7-8 next time I will.

"I wrote my speech out on note cards so I wasn't able to make optimal eye-contact with the audience."- true, if by "optimal" you mean any.. at all.

"Speeches have been used throughout history as the prime way to communicate ideas and information..." Settle down over there sparky, I'm only interested in your BS if its going to boost my ego.


That's all for now. Wednesday starts my last semester of teaching, so lets hope this batch doesn't disappoint!!

Student Emails.

The following emails have been 100% copy-and-pasted. The names have been taken out, mostly for their dignity, not my own. These emails have not been altered or fabricated in any way...This.Is.College.

"Miss Hall, I was hanging out with my girlfriend, you know how it is, I lost track of time.... Can I make up the quiz I missed??"-Good call, you would never want something like academics to get in the way of your afternoon delight...

"Hey Ms. Hall, I will not be attending today because i didn't sleep last night, got sick as a dog and also broke my right hand. Is it possible to go first on Tuesday? I am very sorry."-......while I appreciate u chronicling to me the details of ur Wednesday night at the frat house, maybe next time you could just pick one lame excuse and go with that instead of rattling off 3- rookie mistake. And it might also help next time if you don't show up Tuesday sans Dr's note AND with a fully functioning right hand....

"Miss Hall, I just wanting to confirm what time our final is on tuesday because I am thinking I may have a conflict." Well, budding student, first of all the exam is on Thursday, and secondly you "may have a conflict"??... A CONFLICT?? wtf? (why the face?) The exam time has been posted since August. Thirdly- Learn English Tarzan.

"I was at the world series, that's why I didn't do my speech outline, I'm sure you can understand."- Did I ever tell you about the time that I've always hated baseball?

"First of all, I need to explain why I'm sending you this message from another e-mail account. It is because my mother has access to my university email account and reads all of my mail. While I'm not a fan of deception, if she knew that I missed class, she would pull me out of school. She has threatened to do this a few times already. Anyway, I'm e-mailing you to apologize for missing class today. Since I've come to college, I've had a reoccurring illness that seems to pop up at random times, one that leaves me tired, dizzy, weak, and (occasionally) unable to eat. I understand that today is my speech day, and since I did not appear in class, you have every right to give me a failing grade for it. I don't expect sympathy for this, but since this was an unavoidable absence, I do ask that you show a bit of mercy, even though you do not have to."- As I read about your strange illness from your secret email account, I can't imagine why your mom doesn't trust you. So an illness that pops up at random times? It's called being hungover. Go forth and be healed.

"I missed class last week because I was unaware that it had started yet."
well... ok then. (p.s.-he's a 5th yr sr.)


(( I asked them to email me 3 potential topics they would like to give an informative speeches over. The class was about 85% male, therefore they submitted the following choices:))

"Susanna Hall,
Top Three speech topics:
1. The BCS and College football
2. How beer is made
3. a)The Welfare system, How to get rich quickly.
Thanks!"
I now feel that I know all I need to about you.

"1. Safety innovations in motor sports and how it transfers to production of vehicles
2. The effects and dangers of restrictor plate racing in NASCAR"
.. is he speaking Chinese?

"My top 3 topics for my informative speech are
1. Texas A&M history of the core
2. Texas A&M football
3. Texas A&M bonfire incident.
Let me know, thanks!"
wow.... it might help him to do some research on his instructor so he doesn't earn an automatic C.

"1) The state of Texas
2) Fraud of global warming
3) Diversity in Retail sales"
Now this student is on his way to an A.

"Here are my top 3 choices: the Falling Whistles organization (1), human trafficking (2), and the lack of clean drinking water in 3rd world countries (3)."
Danggg Debbie Downer, way to make everyone elses topics look amateur.

"1. History of South Dakota
2. Declaration of Independence
3. Life of Barack Obama"
zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ... congrats, u just made the one about the aggie core sound interesting.

Student: "So I see that I was marked absent and got a zero in class participation for three days during the semester. Well, I may have been a little late to class but I know I was there, what can I do to get these points back?"
T.A.: "Email me proof that you were in class those days (notes you took, papers from the in-class activity, etc.) and I will give you credit."
Student: "Ok, I will. Just wondering, what did we do in class on those 3 days?"

There.Are.No.Wordsssss.

And then you get ones like these,

"Miss Hall, Thank you for all your help! You have been a great TA throughout the semester and you definitely made the class interesting. I can honestly say I enjoyed your class. Merry Christmas!".. aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnddd **tears.

The Joys of Teaching

I have been asked by many to start cataloging some of my experiences so far as a TA, so I thought I would just give yall the high points.

I am happy to report that my fear of non-trads has been subsided thanks to a great first class, no non-trads, or athletes-PTL! One guido, but I'll take it. I teach an 8-week class called Business and Professional Speaking to 25 kids. I will be getting a new batch of kids next week, but so far this class has been an experience in and of itself. They give two speeches during this time, one informative and one persuasive. Sounds easy enough... might need to define easy.

Some parts of the job you just have to take at pure entertainment value.

Like when students give an entire speech chronicling Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan's tweets from jail.
Or when they ask if it's OK to present and entice the class into their pyramid scheme as their persuasive speech.
Or when they bring me unsigned, clearly photo-copied doctors notes to excuse them from giving a speech.
Or when I get papers such as these turned in and I am left to comprehend how someone made it this far in life with hand-writing like this:
(taken from one of my kids evaluations of another classmates speech.)
and in case you were wondering, he was right. She didn't read over her speech.Or even write it herself. she also included "so ya, i think that's pretty much it, Cya later." as her closing statement. Professional.

Or having to sift through emails, such as this one:

"Hi Miss Hall!

Tuesday morning I woke up and noticed that the filling in one of my molars was missing along with a part of my tooth. Unfortunately, I grind my teeth at night but it hasn't been that bad of a problem until now. I was able to find a dentist and had an "emergency" appointment this morning. They found decay forming under my filling which caused it to push up through the tooth. :x (Sorry if this is too much information!) They need to uproot all of the filling and clean out my tooth tomorrow before taking more x-rays to ensure that I don't need a root canal! The only time they could get me in without having to wait another two weeks is tomorrow at noon! I can get a doctor's note for you if you would like! I feel awful because I love the class but this is something I need to get fixed before it becomes more of an issue. Please let me know how I can get my two papers to you tomorrow to ensure that I get the credit! I was also wondering if that would be ok if I do two evaluations on Tuesday (even though I have my speech that day) so I can get my 2 lowest quiz scores replaced! Please let me know how you feel about all of this!

Thank you so much!"

I would love to let you know how I feel about all of this! As much as I enjoy hearing about students dental history, and how much they "love my class" (wow... really?) It might be in your best interest to leave the emoticons and sucking up at the door.

You have to be able to answer the tough questions they throw at you.
-"Can I leave class early to study for another test I have?" Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

-"Do we need to cite the sources that we used in our speech?"- sure, why not for old times sake?

-"Is it ok if my speech goes over time a minute or two so I can fit in a story about my High School Ex?"- ya, anything to spice up this snooze-fest.

-"I have my speech outline to turn in, but its at home on my computer still, can I run home and get it?" -That depends, Is there a Starbucks on your way home?

-"I've had a really busy week, can I give my speech next class instead of tomorrow?" - Oh wow, have you? Have you had grad school finals, work, family in town, and research papers due this week too? what are the odds!!

Overall, it really hasn't been bad, I actually really love teaching. I am nervous to have to re-board the crazy train next week tho and start all over with a new group. We will have to see how it goes, might have another blog post ahead of us...

-Miss Hall